23rd
The Try Not to Be Angry Diet
I did not get angry today, not once.
There could have been plenty to be angry about-I had to wake up at 5am to go to work and arrived late because the R train stalled in the 36th St station for fifteen minutes. I entered work in a daze, having only slept a handful of hours the night before, and waited on customers with a somber sluggishness.
To top it all off, I was cut early from work due to overstaffing, went home with little to no money and arrived there only to discover the tension rod I bought at Target was too small for the space intended.
I know, I know; my life is so hard.
So why did I not get angry today, not once? Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Are you ready?
Five words-STRAWBERRIES, WHIP CREAM, and TOASTER WAFFLES. That’s right. Listen and repeat. STRAWBERRIES, WHIP CREAM, and TOASTER WAFFLES.
For the past week, I have been eating this delicacy almost exclusively and it has changed my life. I think it may have even made me immortal. Whatever else you are eating right now, STOP IT. STRAWBERRIES, WHIP CREAM and TOASTER WAFFLES are all you need, now and forever.
However, every once in awhile you ought to get some vegetables and protein or else you risk feeling too incapable of anger, which can be an important and necessary response to social situations posed by the following environments and situations: New York City, Boston, post-graduate turmoil, dirty dishes, lack of communication, being too far away from Lizzie and meeting people who are not nice to kitty cats.
If the reality or imminent threat of any of these situations and/or environments apply to you, try eating something with chicken, eggplant and tomatoes, which I hear helps to balance anger and enhance beauty.
